Goat Prefers Taste of Nicotine to Grass

“Curiosity? Bugger curiosity,” an irate Ravishankar Raval told reporters in his home town of Jotana. “It may be curiosity to you, but it’s terrifying if you live here. Let me tell you, if it wasn’t sacred, we’d slit its throat tomorrow.”

Raval was complaining about the huge black goat which has menaced the inhabitants of Jotana for the past three years. “At first it used to just sidle up to anyone with a cigarette and stand next to them and sniff their smoke. We thought it was funny to begin with, but then it started sucking the cigarettes out of their hands and smoking them itself.”

“Not just bidis either. It prefers Marlboro when it can get them, and it butts us until we light one and hand it over. I’ve got bruises up and down my back. I reckon it’s stealing about twenty a day now, allover town, and you tourists keep encouraging it.”

“Only last week it scared the living daylights out of a camel-cart driver. He thought it was a panther. It’s getting out of control. It tried to smoke a baby’s head last week, and it has to be stopped.”

“But we’re Hindus so we can’t kill it because it’s holy. However, if any of you are atheists, we’d pay handsomely. I have a gun.”

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